insignificant
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah,Have you ever been standing in salah, when all of a sudden a realization comes to you, and you feel like you've been punched in the stomach, the wind and life just completely sucked out of you? Today, just minutes ago, I was standing for Ishaa and reciting and all of a sudden my insignificant status hit me so hard that I literally choked up and my throat started to burn...
Insha'Allah in about 42 days I will be going on a very great journey, and each day as I think about it more and more, the more and more I decide what it would be like to not return. Each time I've thought about it I have only evaluated it according to my own thoughts and desires and relationships with individuals, and not vice versa. But for a moment, while I was standing in front of my Lord I realized that if by His will I did not return then, subhanAllah nothing would significantly change. Not for myself, and not for those around me.
In the past month or so I believe that I have become much more introverted. My contact and conversations with individuals has been very brief, curt, and limited, even those that I consider to be the closest to me. I don't quite know why this is happening, or what the ramification or repercussions of it are, but for some reason I have no desire to rectify these relationships to their prior state. Alhamdulilah it is not a state of depression as some may think it to be by the symptoms I've described, but I don't quite know how to identify it. But due to this lack of attachment to individuals (minus maybe my cat) I feel as if it is easier to let go of anything and anyone, which has left me feeling callous and numb and ultimately insignificant...
may Allah subhana wa ta ala fill the void in our hearts with His love and light...
wasalamualaikum wa rahmatullah..
Labels: Personal, Reflection
posted by Iqra Bismi Rabbika @ 12:44 AM
Comments: 1
