tawbah...
assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah,Subhan'Allah time after time, time after time, and yet again time after time I find myself stumbling upon the very same thing. Why despite everything we know, do we fall into error time after time? Over the same exact thing. We can feel ourselves at that moment beginning into the downfall, and each step away from this act is the most painful feeling ever, yet we know that it must be done. Somehow, somehow there seems to be a distinct war going on. The biggest war to have plagued the earth since the beginning of time. The war of a man against his nafs. Each and every day we have to fight ourselves, taking every ounce of strength out of our precious hearts to hold back. To not even begin in the direction, yet somehow, with the blink of an eye, we find ourselves at the same crossroads. It is only later, when the tears of tawbah have ingrained lines in our faces do we realize what this simple action does to our hearts, to our selves. How many more tears must be shed before the nafs loses? How many times will we turn our faces, our hands open in dua, our faces streaked with tears to our Lord, and how many times will he accept our repentance for the same ongoing sin? Are we heedless of the mercy of our Lord? Subhan'Allah how many times is it that we turn away beggers on the street. In one week I must pass by the same begger dozens of times, yet each and every day he asks me for money. True the first day I may give him a dollar, the next day a quarter, but when I see him still, unmoving in the same spot, I somehow lose faith in him and become frustrated him. If this man is so humiliated of his state, why then do I find him day after day in the same position? Why day after day does he ask me of the very same thing?
Why then, day after day, week after week, year after year, do I return to my Lord with the same sins? Why has not my humiliation burned so strongly inside of me, and embarassed me to the point where I dare not turn my sinful heart to my Lord in asking for repentance. It is true that Allah subhana wa ta ala in his might and glory is the Most Merciful, but why is my heart so weak that it can not fight the nafs that it has become all too familiar with.
May Allah subhana wa ta ala guide and protect us all...
wassalamualaikum wa rahmatullah.
posted by Iqra Bismi Rabbika @ 1:21 AM
Comments: 1
