Dirty nafs ...
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah,
I guess you can assume this is a continuation of the last post...
For the past week or so I have been in the suburbs of Chicago, and subhan'Allah after just a couple of days here I have realized and actually somewhat materialized something that I have always known, I need to work on myself...hardcore.
Some time ago, last January to be exact, I had come to Chicago and had heard
Shaykh Husain for the first time at his weekly dhikr session. That day he told us an example of a freshly painted wall. A couple of days prior to the dhikr session he had painted a wall in his house, after painting and purifying that wall, he said he would throughout the day find himself glancing at the wall to make sure no scuffs had appeared, and if even the smallest of spots had occured he would walk on over and try to remove it as soon as possible. He then went on to give an example of shoes. Being Muslim Masjid goers, I think many of us can relate to this example. Often times when you leave your shoes by the door near the Masjid on your way out when your attempting to find your shoes in the mass left by the door, you notice other shoes. Newer, cleaner, shinier shoes. Next to those shoes, the shoes you would have normally assumed to be perfectly fine seem old, and worn out. You only come this realization, however, when your shoes are directly placed next to these newer, nicer shoes. And as you're walking out the masjid you're like man I need to get new shoes, or atleast clean these up. He went on to relate the same deal with a dirty car parked next to a new one. You could be driving around aaaaaaaaaaallll day, but only when you park your car next this newly washed car do you really realize that your car needs a car wash :)
Moral of the story? Subhan'Allah our hearts are the sameeeeeeeeee way! You may thinkkkk that your heart and deen is in a perfectly okay state, until you are in the presence of the purest of pure hearts. All of a sudden you look down and start revaluating your own heart, perhaps its not as clean as you imagined it to be. Unlike shoes, we can't simply dispose of our hearts and purchase new ones. You then realize you need to seriously cleanse your heart, the dirt of the dunya and sin becomes so apparent that you can't stand one more moment with it. Subhan'Allah and all of our goals is to become that freshly painted wall. So clean, that even the slightest sin, or blemish will easily be detected and removed.
How does this relate to Chicago? Every single day I've been here I have been in the presence of the most amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing people masha'Allah. I have had the opportunity to sit in study circles almost every day, and it has made me realize that I am in desperate need of a spiritual makeover so to speak :) But subhan'Allah just being in the presence of these individuals just makes my heart so content, my heart literally like reaches out to them and just wants to cling on for dear life, not wanting to return to its pathetic state...
May Allah subhana wa ta ala continue to fill our scholars with light, and may he forgive us for the sins we commit both openly and in private, sins that we commit knowingly, and unknowingly. May he forgive us of our past sins, our present sins, and the sins that we will commit in the future. May he forgive the sins of our parents, and may he purify our hearts and fill it with His Nur and His Love.
wassalamualaikum wa rahmatullah.
departure...
assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah
i dont feel like writing much...but someone said something so inspirational...
on the departure of someone very beloved to me :
me- have u ever been really attached to someone
for like the right reasonsS
- im straight up in love with these people
- like i jus find myself staring at her, like shes fillllled with noor n jus being in her
-presence u can feel ur life filling with noor
person x-nothings wrong with that..
me- like subhanA"lalh i cant even explan it
-but shes going away overseas
-its like tearing me up
person x-let try this.. imagine how much nur the Prophet (S) had, and imagine the nur and knowledge the ashab recieved by sitting in his presence, and when he passed away.. can u imagine THAT kind of depart?its just like ur example
this post will be continued...
tawbah...
assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah,
Subhan'Allah time after time, time after time, and yet again time after time I find myself stumbling upon the very same thing. Why despite everything we know, do we fall into error time after time? Over the same exact thing. We can feel ourselves at that moment beginning into the downfall, and each step away from this act is the most painful feeling ever, yet we know that it must be done. Somehow, somehow there seems to be a distinct war going on. The biggest war to have plagued the earth since the beginning of time. The war of a man against his nafs. Each and every day we have to fight ourselves, taking every ounce of strength out of our precious hearts to hold back. To not even begin in the direction, yet somehow, with the blink of an eye, we find ourselves at the same crossroads. It is only later, when the tears of tawbah have ingrained lines in our faces do we realize what this simple action does to our hearts, to our selves. How many more tears must be shed before the nafs loses? How many times will we turn our faces, our hands open in dua, our faces streaked with tears to our Lord, and how many times will he accept our repentance for the same ongoing sin? Are we heedless of the mercy of our Lord? Subhan'Allah how many times is it that we turn away beggers on the street. In one week I must pass by the same begger dozens of times, yet each and every day he asks me for money. True the first day I may give him a dollar, the next day a quarter, but when I see him still, unmoving in the same spot, I somehow lose faith in him and become frustrated him. If this man is so humiliated of his state, why then do I find him day after day in the same position? Why day after day does he ask me of the very same thing?
Why then, day after day, week after week, year after year, do I return to my Lord with the same sins? Why has not my humiliation burned so strongly inside of me, and embarassed me to the point where I dare not turn my sinful heart to my Lord in asking for repentance. It is true that Allah subhana wa ta ala in his might and glory is the Most Merciful, but why is my heart so weak that it can not fight the nafs that it has become all too familiar with.
May Allah subhana wa ta ala guide and protect us all...
wassalamualaikum wa rahmatullah.
Flashback II .......
More on Makkah (from June '03):
Subhan’Allah, I looked up at the sky, the heavens above me, and the only thought that came to me, was just this, Glory be To Allah, the creator of the heavens and the earth. I looked up to witness a wonder that only He, subhana wa ta ala, could create. As the black sky turned to purple, pink, orange, and eventually blue, I could not help but feel amazed. My thoughts drifted as I heard the birds sing these same praises that I had just begun to take in, these birds followed the commandment of Allah as they too made tawaaf around His House, the Kabbah. Suddenly all of my senses were heightened, beneath me my feet touched the cool marble, and my hand was grasped by one of my best friends. As I was circling the Kabbah in my first tawaaf after Fajr during my first Umrah, I could not help but feel humbled. Here I was at the House of not only my Creator, but the Creator of the Universe, and I was blessed to be here with both my family and my best friend. Subhan’Allah what other journey could one take with such a close companion? I continued circling the Kabbah, repeating to myself, “Rabbana atayna fid dunya hassanatow wafil akhiratee hassanatow wakina azaabin-naar (Our Lord! grant us good in this world and the Hereafter and save us from the punishment of the fire)”. After completing the seventh round around the Kabbah standing in front of the doors to the Kabbah, the doors to the House of Allah, the doors to my mercy, I offered two rakat. As I was praying suddenly all of those wonders I had witnessed just moments ago, disappeared, suddenly no other thought crossed my mind. Before going to the Makkah I had made a list of things I would make dua for, but suddenly everything seemed so trivial. Here I was, facing the doors to the House of my Lord, my body was numb and still, yet a part of me trembled, trembled like it had never trembled before, with each heartbeat I began to weep. For the first time I had tasted the sweetness of salah. Nothing else in the world could have distracted my prayer; I realized that during this moment, the only connection I had was with my Lord. My sujood was no longer seconds long, but lasted for minutes. Here I was, I could ask for anything in the world, but what did I ask my lord for? His mercy. Knowledge. Patience. After completing my salah, I jus sat in front of the Kabbah, offering the only thing I could to Allah, my tears.
Days passed, and eventually I returned home, and though that June morning was still in my heart, it was never repeated. As much as I would try, I felt I could never re-create that moment. I assumed that the only way to get that kind of connection with Allah subhana wa ta ala was only possible at the Kabbah. Months passed, and the eve of Ramadan was upon me. As I was sitting in my brother-in-law’s kitchen making preparations for my sister’s upcoming wedding, I was overwhelmed with sadness. Here I was preparing for such a happy and auspicious occasion surrounded by my family, yet there was this emptiness within me. Ramadan was upon me, how would I react? As I sat there completely removed, I heard a faint sound, surprised I followed the sound into a bedroom, the only occupant besides myself being the television. The channel on was playing the very first tarawih prayer in Makkah, and the voice I had heard, was none other then Imaam Shuraim’s. I sat in front of the television, and suddenly a sea of emotions came upon me. I could smell the marble floor of the Kabbah as he recited the Quran, and suddenly there I was back in front of the doors to the Kabbah. Once again the tears began to fall, and once again was my heart filled with light. Subhan’Allah, was once again the only thought that crossed my mind. Eventually the tarawih prayer was over, yet my heart still had not been satisfied with what it was given. As I shut off the television, I couldn’t help but miss Makkah even more. My belief that this connection with Allah subhana wa ta ala could only be achieved through this holy city was once again strengthened. Sadly, I returned to my apartment in New York City .
The next night, the second tarawih prayer was upon me, and this time I was determined to make it to the Masjid, though I knew it could not possibly have the same affect on me as the Prayer from the Kabbah. The salah began, and the thoughts that I had held within me for months, suddenly melted and disappeared. The Imaam began to recite, and once again my heart began to tremble. My heart reached out to something beyond myself, and anything in the room, it reached out to something so intangible, that I could not help but feel suffocated. Then and there, I realized that it is not a place or person, that creates your connection with Allah subhana wa ta ala, but it is the His words, His guidance, the Quran that feeds you His love, His mercy, His Greatness. The only way to return this love, this thankfulness, is through a personal action, your worship of him. In a lecture some time ago, I once heard a speaker state, “If you want to talk to Allah subhana wa ta ala pray salah, and if you want Allah subhana wa ta ala to talk to you read the Quran”. Subhan’Allah never, since the beginning of time as we know it, has there been a greater interaction, then one between the servant and His Lord.
"O Allah, I am Your slave and the son of your slaves. My fate is in Your hands. Your judgment upon me is Your command. I ask you by every name You have taken for Yourself, revealed in Your Book, taught any of your creation or taken unto Yourself in the realm of the unknown, to make the Quran the spring of my heart, the light of my breast, the banisher of my sadness and the reliever of my despondency. "
Salaam :)
Assalamualaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatahu . . .
Have you ever sat and thought about the statement written above, Assalamualaikum. Each and every time we meet another Muslim we're supposed to greet them with this greeting, may peace, the mercy of Allah, and blessings be upon you. That's intense. Often times I run by people and quickly mumble out a salaam. These are the same people who often times I find harboring bad thoughts about, yet when I am in front of them I ask Allah to bestow peace, mercy, and blessings upon them.
I remember I was talking to someone who is absolutely amazing and she was telling me about a person who had spread some horrible horrible rumors about her. She said that she had not seen this person in many many years, yet throughout this period the hate for this person accumulated in this sister's heart. In essence it was hurting her ibaadah and her spirituality. She realized the only way she could really get over this was by making dua for her. So for years she continued to make dua for this person, despite every horrible act she had committed against her, and she felt herself letting go of this anger she felt towards this sister, and she eventually became very very sincere in her dua. A couple of years later she ended up coming face to face with this sister and she said that this person had completely transformed into another person. Though the person never apologized to the sister, the tension between the two sisters disappeared.
Now imagine, if we sincerely meant every salaam that we spread, how that may effect a person. In essence each salaam is a dua. Our hearts
should be filled with nothing but love and mercy for other Muslims...perhaps then all this junk around the would dissappear :(
duaaaaaaaas...
wassalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu ...
Flashback....trip to makkah
Taken from something i wrote bout 2 yrs ago...
Ok...its two thirty in the morning, and i think i'm goin to give this a try...i'm going to try and write a real entry summarizing my trip to Saudi Arabia :)After we got all our baggage and had finally hauled a taxi we were on our way to makkah, which is 1 hour from the airport in Jeddah. While we were driving we were all SO excited and nervous and just...happy :). As we were driving sunset came upon us and thus we had to stop to pray one of the five prayers that we pray daily, and subhan'Allah it was so amazing how everyone on the highway all of a sudden took an exit and entered the masjid (mosque) to pray. Within five minutes the once congested highway was deserted and everyone filled the houses of God to praise and glorify him, amazing, completely amazing. This is the first glimpse that i got of prayer in Saudi....ofcourse i pray here in america, but praying there is SO DIFFERENT. Here five times a day i have to "fit" prayer into my oh so busy schedule, there their days and lives revolve AROUND prayer :) Shows where our priorities are i guess...when we finally arrived in makkah my parents insisted that we drop off our stuff at the hotel before we visit the kabbah. so i hurried n threw my luggage into my room, and me n my mobeesha rushed to the kabbah. Mubeen has been has been to makkah 2 times before this trip, so this was nothing new to her, and I thank God that i was able to make the journey with her so that she could guide me and so we could share this great experience. So we ran into the kabbah n while we were doing so the call to prayer for the last prayer of the day was ringing through the city in the most beautiful voice, and shop owners, citizens, and tourists all dropped what they were doing and started to make their way to the masjid. As i was walking in been made me cover my eyes so that i could see the kabbah all at once, as my eyes were closed i felt this excitement that i don't think i've ever felt before...for as long as i can remember i have bowed my head to worship to God, and everytime i did so i bowed my head facing makkah--facing this house of God...and i didn't do this action alone, but over a billion muslims today, and many from the past have followed this same tradition. As i opened my eyes I prayed, and to my surprise tears did not well up in my eyes, but instead i jus stood there in complete and utter awe. All i could do was stare at the sight in front of me, everything was so quiet, the call to prayer had finished, and there the kabbah stood. Its just completely beyond words...As i stood there staring, being reminded that the prayer would start soon n that we should find a place to pray. So we went up to the second level of the masjid, n prayed near the balcony so we were facing the kabbah directly. As i stood to pray with all of the other muslims that had gathered from different areas of the world in this holy city, in this holy place, my heart felt rejuvinated...this was the message that the Prophet Muhammad had preached about so long ago, and here we were living out this same message so many years later, here we all stood testifying that there is no God, BUT God....though we were all from such different walks of life this one statement bonded us closer then any other blood bond could. Throughout my stay in Makkah and later Madinah, i contemplated about all those that came before me, the Prophets from Adam to Abraham, to Moses, to Jesus, and lastly to Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon them all), and their great companions that stood with them in times of hardship. These individuals were steadfast in their faith, and all preached one message, be true to God, the one true God. Everything else was secondary--even their families. This amazed me, and i thought about my own society, a society in which kids look up to fictious heroes such as spiderman and batman, while there were such amazing individuals in our past, individuals that have changed the world in their time and in ours, individuals whose message lives on. And the only way to celebrate the lives of these individuals is to practice and preach their message--the message that there is nothing in this world that could compare to the grace and glory of God, and he is the one true God, and only through worshipping him and knowing him can a heart feel at ease. Everything else is secondary......
this is the book....
Alif Lam Mim. This is the Book; In it is guidance sure, without doubt, to those who fear Allah; who believe in the Unseen, are steadfast in prayer, and spend out of what We have provided for them; and who believe in the Revelation sent to thee, and sent before thy time, and (in their hearts) have the assurance of the Hereafter. They are on (true guidance), from their Lord, and it is these who will prosper. As to those who reject Faith, it is the same to them whether thou warn them or do not warn them; they will not believe. Allah hast set a seal on their hearts and on their hearing. And on thier eyes is a veil; Great is the penalty they (incur).
(Quran 2:1-7)
Allah's Nur :)
Stolen (borrowed) once again this time from Veiled Knight...
Bismillahir'rahman'nir-rahim.
Allahumma sali'ala sayyiddina Muhammadin wa 'ala alay sayyiddina Muhammadin wa barik wa salim.
Subhan'Allah, a few days ago i was told something beautiful by a friend, (may Allah shower his Rahmah upon this person and their family) Anyways, so perhaps i should share:When Allah created us, before we were sent down to this earth, we met Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, and there we promised to obey Allah, becuase He Is our Lord, and at that time when we met Allah Azza Wa Jal, and we saw his Great and Incredible Nur, and upon seeing it, instantaneously we fell deeply in love with it. The we were sent down to earth, and since that moment, each and every person has been searching fro something, something to fill thier heart wiiht, because theres somewhat of a void, we feel like we are missing something, we are missing That Nur. So everytime we see something beautiful or great, we are taken back by it, we fall in love with it because reminds us of Allah's Nur, yet its only a small small small fragment of a reflection of His Great Nur, and since we were looking for it, we see a small small small fragment of it and instantly we fall in love with this object/being which holds/reflects this Nur. Many times we hold on soo tight, not wanting to let go; because we feel content with it. But we have to realize that this is only a small small small fragement of That Nur which we are searching for, That love we feel so deeply in. The 'REAL DEAL' is Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala...so when we think of it like that, it just makes us want to strive more and more inshaa'Allah, for The Real and True Love we once fell into.May Allah grant us all the hidaya to strive for a glance of His Nur.
Allahumma sali'ala sayyiddina Muhammadin wa 'ala alay sayyiddina Muhammadin wa barik wa salim. Rawdhina billahi Rabba wa bil islaami deena wa bi muhammadin nabiyaa, wa akhirud'duana anil'hamdulillahi rabbil'alameen. Walaikumasalam wa rahmatullah
Quran, Water, and the Sky :)
Stolen (borrowed ? :)) from Sohaib :
Speaker: "There are three things that a Muslim can never get tired of in his entire life:
* Reading Quran
* Drinking Water
* Gazing at the Sky
.. a Muslim can never get tired of reading Quran for the Quran enlightens a being spiritually. In other words, its like a spiritual buzz. It gives a feeling of satisfaction, like no other. Second, drinking water. Thats a given. A human cannot survive without water, and even though it has no taste or color, its the most refreshing drink in the world. On top of that, most of our bodies and the world are composed of water. Finally.. looking at the sky. Any time of the day or night, you can look to the sky and find comfort and peace. It's beauty is at loss for words.."
All grown up... ?
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah,
Its kind of amazing how time just fliiiiiiiiiiies by. I can recall when I was 4 years old and was surrounded by people my age (20) and I thought they were soooooo old...it was beyond me to even imagine what they did with their lives...and now here I am, subhan'Allah.
The funny thing is, despite being 20, I feel so...naive? What I percieve to be life is probably very sheltered and uni-dimensional (is that a word?), yet at my age countless other individuals have held the burden of families, nations, and societies on their backs. I remember at the MSA East Zone Conference this year
Shaykh Husain spoke about the life of Fatima (ra) and how she was given the glad tidings of jannah and perfected herself at such a young age, probably even before the age that I am at now. Meaning she spent her days as a teenager, as what we would now call a child, in the service of Allah and His Messanger. Her life meant SOMETHING, and she achieved SOMETHING. May Allah subhana wa ta ala bless her and her family.
Subhan'Allah ... now to return to myself, sitting here in front of this laptop at 1:55 am, I am at a complete loss as to what I am and what I am to become. 20 years of my life have passed by, in what seems now as a blur, yet I am unsure that if today on this day I were to leave this world I would have anything substantial to account for. Still I wonder how many more years will go by before my time attains some sort of barakah...
May Allah subhana wa ta ala guide and protect us all...
wassalamualaikum wa rahmatullah
