Monday, January 30, 2006

Love is in the air...

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah,

Yes siree bob its true... love is most definately in the air. No no no, I am most definately not referring to myself. I am referring to the maidens around me, within the past month I have heard about a dozen engagements mashaAllah, and each day of things that can somewhat constitute to the preliminary stages of marriage.

Marriage, marriage, marriage. I guess when you turn 21 that is all people like to discuss with you. On my recent trip to Houston my 13 and 14 year old cousins were even trying to find me a suitable spouse. On Eid they even dragged me outside of the Masjid to meet what they thought to be a an amazing catch for me. He had the three "H's" that would make any Muslimah pleased, Height, Hafidh, and Handful (fistful but i had to make it work with the H) beard :). However I was apparently too slow in putting on my shoes because by the time I got outside he had departed (thank God).


When my older cousin came to visit me this weekend she asked if anything "was wrong" with me because unlike my peers I somehow missed the marriage boat. At times this really starts to worry me, maybe I have become really really old, but dude, I'm 21! True my mother already had a two-year old at my age, but still...how can I compete with the most perfect of women :)

So anyway, yes its true love is in the air. But there is absolutely no need for it to suffocate those that have not yet fell to its feet (ie me). :) So until then yo, I'm chiiiiillliiiiiiiiinnn ;) And for those of you that have found that special someone, May Allah subhana wa ta ala increase your love for one another, and make you the coolness and delight of one another's eyes (and heart) :)

wassalamualaikum wa rahmamtullah.

**EDIT** apparently there are a lot more "H's" - handsome, humble, and....Hyderabadi ;)

Sunny days sweeping the clouds away...

assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah,

SubhanAllah dude, what is with this weather? Its the end of January, arguably the coldest days of the year in NY, however it is 56 degrees today...56!

Anyway my class is starting, allow the good weather get to you ;)

wassalamualaikumwarahmatullah

Thursday, January 26, 2006

sometimes you just want to dissapear

Sometimes you just want to dissapear.

Not because there is anything evidently wrong with this world or anything,
but just because its that ease you get when everything around you just evaporates.

SubhanAllah, i love the world. I love the people within this world, but sometimes
you just end up getting so distracted, you totally lose course, and you're like wait a minute
just what was i doing?

At this moment you take one step back, two steps back, and everything seems to clear up, so
you keep taking steps back, and its like this whole new landscape.

So what does this all mean? SubhanAllah i've been trying to find the balance
between these totally polar opposite feelings. Kinda between that one feeling where you just want
to be in solitude and the one where you just want to be immersed in people's company.

Evverytime I sit down and really start to think about this stuff I just think about the grave.
I just can't it out of my mind. The fact that we'll be in the dark dark ground by ourselves...perhaps
suffocating....perhaps being tortured...its scary. This is a reality we can't really escape either. Many people have tried to rationalize the hellfire to me, and told me you know InshaAllah we won't be amongst those
of the fire...but what about the grave? Everyone will get squeezed, just a little. I happen to be one of
the most claustraphobic people ever...so I don't quite know how i'll manage.

I don't know where this is coming from honestly. I guess I should try and focus on happy thoughts...

salaams yo.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Tomorrow Never comes..

Relying upon the promise of "tomorrow,"
many people have wandered around that door,
but that tomorrow never comes.

-Rumi

Why should i grieve because of a throne? Once it had made laughter known to me. Whatever you lost through the stroke of destiny, know it was to save you from adversity. One small affliction keeps off greater afflictions; one small loss prevents greater losses - Rumi

Who responds to the distressed when they cry out to Him and who removes their affliction? Did he not make you inheritors of the earth? Could there be another God beside Allah? Little do you reflect.

Is it not He who guides you in the darkness of the land and the sea and sends the winds as heralds of mercy? Then is there another God besides Allah? Exalted be Allah above all they associate with him" - (The Quran 27:62-63)

Rejoice..

I am a bridge across the ocean for my devotee,
but became a dragon for the Pharaoh.
Rejoice, O lovers, entreat God.
The same door has been opened again.
The fruit is beckoning, "Eat of me."
The water of life is inviting, "Drink of me.

-Rumi

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Letting go...

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah...

So... have you ever given up something you really loved? Whether it be a peice of clothing, a sentimental object, or even in some cases a person...do you know that feeling you get inside...

its not complete happiness...but its something else.

its that feeling of losing something thats so so dear to you, but at the same time its giving it away to someone you care deeply about.

that feeling is bittersweet.

subhanAllah....

it never ceases to amaze me...and by it I mean the Qadr and will of Allah subhana wa ta ala.

These actions that we commit, such as givng away things that are really dear to us to someone who is very dear to us, definately takes something away from us, and that something is a bit of our self, and a bit of our nafs.

But in the end what happens? Your heart lets go...

it lets go....

and where does it go?

Obviously when the heart lets go of something, it grabs hold to something else to fill that void, and subhanAllah it returns to Allah subhana wa ta ala.

Every time I have witnessed this happen in my own life, letting go of things has done nothing but bring me closer to Allah subhana wa ta ala.

It's completely amazing, how you have to take that step and one by one let go of things, things that may not necessarily be detrimental to you, but things that perhaps you have grown so attached to that your heart is unwilling to part with them. Later do you realize what significance these items play on our heart when you let them go.

It makes you want to let go of the world and everything in it, and just abandon it for Him and only Him. Because the feeling you get when you have become closer to Him and only Him is beyond words...

subhanAllah.

wassalamualaikum wa rahmatullah.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

When bad things happen to good people...

assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah.

this post is comin to you from the dirty south...Houston, TX.

So a lot has gone down in the past couple of days, my grandmother passed away, and I ended up here.

I knew my grandmother pretty well since I was very young, though in recent years I haven't seen her all that often.

So it came to me as a shock because she was perfectly healthy when she left this world, it was a simple heart attack that took her away from us.

Sooo when i heard the news i was surprised, and it didn't really hit me. The calls started coming and I didn't really know what to say. Later that night I sat down by myself in a dimly lit room, and i just thought and thought and thought. For some reason the idea of death, the fact that someone is permanently leaving this world, is not the thought the scares me. Rather I began to think about a multitude of other things, such as the grave, and the day of judgement. The thought that the opportunity to save yourself all of a sudden ceases to exist, really really frightens me. It reminds me of something that my dad always tells me when im being lazy. He'll ask me to do something, and I'll say that "meh badmay/kal karloogy" (i'll do it later/tomorrow), and he says "kaal kabhi nahin aatha hai" (tomorrow never comes). Meaning the more and more you put something off (ie becoming religious) it will never actually come, and so many of us, myself included,m put off a lot of things, thinking that we'll have time to do them later, however at times this door gets slammed in our face...

back to my nanni (grandmother)...she had called my house a week or so prior to her death, she called to tell us she was going on hajj and asked us all to forgive her. She had prepared everything for hajj and contacted everybody however due to chance her visa was denied (she was in india)...she was grief stricken about this and kind of kept to herself during this time, increased her ibaadah and recitaton of the Quran. During this time many of my family members called her and told her 'theres always next year...' and to this she replied to them, 'i may have missed my chance to got o hajj, but now im goign to see Hashim saab (my grandfather who has also passed)." At the time no one really knew what she meant by this, and on the day of Arafat she woke up to pray tahajjud when she had a heart attack.

Subhan'Allah.

The funny part is after i came to texas i heard a lot of people talking about her death...some cryng...some blaming it on a certain circumstances, etc. Funny thing is...this is death...no one can escape it. It can come and take you at any time and any place, and at that time pointing a finger at someone will do you no good. You'll leave this world, by yourself, face the questions, by yourself, face the punishment, by yourself.

So..

this goes on to a whole different topic i was thikning about...and am constantly thinking about... my relationship with individuals around me. Their affects on me, etc. Its funny how many people enter our lives, one by one, and how many leave one by one. So is it really worth it?

ill leave you with that..
and perhaps this will be continued...

wassalamualaikum wa rahmatullah

(the title of this doesn't really pertain, i was going ot go in one direction but didn't...perhaps one day i will, and the title will actually be relevant....behrayhal....pleasse keep my nanni in your duas, as well as my family, and ofcourse......Me)

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

i miss school

okay i lie..

maybe not school.

maybe just my roommates and friends.

in celebration of my missing my friends here is dora (my roommates) blog on why she loves me (and why you should too), which in essence is why i also love her, because we are two peas in a pod :):

i heart maheen and these are the reasons why:

- she's just as messy as i am so i don't look that messy, relatively
- she indulges me in wierdness like the sun dance to make sure that tomorrow is a sunny day
- we like being fake ghetto
- we like shopping
- it's two in the morning and we are still up an not doing anything except chatting
- we like to give ourselves applause
- we wake up late for class every morning and say, "i don't wanna go to school"
- because she's MAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNN FFFFAAAAAAARRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOQQQIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

and i love her because she is misss doooooooraaaaa leeeeeeee..


i think i should be creative and add to her list ...

WHY I LOVE DORA LEE :

- we both shop online together, and encourage the habit...however at times we bookmark sites such as adiamondisforever.com and harrywinston.com :)

- we talk to muggy baby (our kitty) as if she is a real human being baby

- she hides cereal for me

- we both want to be housewives in 2 years and don't mind "wasting" our 160 k education...

- she eats at khyber pass with me (four days a week lol)

- she put up lights in the apt so i don't trip over our mess when i wake up for fajr

- shes down with all the muslim lingo

:)

jealous?

Don't worry if i love you enough i will put up a list on why i love you toooo :)

shaadi

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah,

So one of my best friends got married yesterday in Pakistan :) She sent me an email this morning that completely made my day:

Hola, coma estas???
I havne't been able to check facebook yet, but i know you wrote me something nikah-related..............anyway, so yes, I'm officially maaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiieeeeeeed!
Ah.
So yes, how was your new year??? We werent' even aware of it, because we were so busy with the tayyaarian that it was like, oh yeah, happy 2006.
Maheeeeeen, i miss you, sooooooooooo wish you had been here yesterday....keep me in your duas (i keep you in mine), let me know what you want from Pakistan, and inshaAllah i'll see you in about two weeks.
So much love, it's bursting out of my heart,
Assalaamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.



:) OFFICIALLY MARRIED :) subhanAllah...what a huge huge step that I don't think i've quite been able to fathom. So it seems one by one, each and every one of my friends seems to be biting the dust, and getting married :). So far its three but i know this is going to have a snowball effect and sooner then later, they'll all be maaaaaaaaarriiiiiiiiiieeeeddd.

So everyone says life changes after marriage, friends are no longer the numero uno priority in your life and they actually begin to fade into the background, actually for the first year or so everything seems to fade into the background, or so i am told.

thats pretty intense yo. First of all theres this dude that you have to spend the rest of your life with, and then he takes up the whole forefront of your life...

its interesting because i read somewhere, or heard somewhere, or something...that marriage is a contract granted by Allah subhana wa ta ala, it brings together two strangers, who before this event had no relationship what so ever to one another and gives them, arguably, the strongest relationship that exists in the dunya...intense no?


Here's the famous ayah that all of us have seen printed in every wedding invitation under the sun :

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are signs for those who reflect. [ Quran 30:21 ]

Okay completelly random tangent, last night one of these kids that i've grown up with, who in my eyes will always be four, but mashaAllah is now in 9th grade (which makes him what 14-15?) imed me, rather his brother (my childhood best friend) imed me first with the statement "my brother has questions about Islam"

So I'm thinking to myself "uh.....", quickly i run through some scenarios in my mind on what he could be asking me...often times i have had to answer questions from girls his age during MYNA, summer camps, Masjid, youth groups, and at this public school in my local town, so i knew the question could range in anything from gender relations to the halalness of a whopper...so after a solid four minutes im like, 'well inshaAllah i can try....."

seconds later he (who in my eyes is FOUR lol) posts this huge question :


ME: lol what are u doing awake
at 330

HIM: confusedd

ME: about?

HIM: okay, well, i have a problem, i dont know if its something major, but
me and my brother had a good 2 hour discussion on it

ME: wow
whats up

HIM: Islam Vs. Confucianism --my brother sided with believing in Islam only, I
sided with believing in Islam and other moral philosophies
(Confucianism)
okay, confucianism is ALL about respect/good will/moral
islam is too, correct?

ME: yea
so you have to understand that islam is complete, and it encompasses
all of these
all the good you find in other religions already exists within islam
whereas all the good that is in islam, is not usually found in other religions

HIM: yea
but like, before I make a decision, i think whether if Allah will
accept it, and if Confucianism will accept it. since i believe in
moral/good will/respect nowadays, i mainly credit confucianism for it,
not islam, because confucius states everything on respect, whereas
islam gives the major basics and some minor, so is it wrong to say I
believe in Confucian Philosophies, but not credit islam for it while
still following islam, butttt, the problem is that even though islam
and confucianism hold the same
philosophies, i credit me following those philosophies to confucius,
not islam, is that wrong?
like if someone were to say, "what are your moral philosophies on?" i
would say, "confucianism", not "islam"
thats wrong?

ME; well... islam is complete
you dont have to look else where
if you read
about the life of the Prophet saw
and i have this amazing book
with hadith
its called the shamail tirmidhi
if you read that
you will see
how complete islam is
due to the life of this one person
he respected everyone
slaves, women, old, young, rich, poor
and not many people can attest to that
also confucianism is not complete
and that is its biggest flaw
it tells you to eb nice to your parents
but does it tell you how?
or why?

HIM: no, not really

ME: exactlyu
but we, in our hadith
we have all of these examples

HIM: i see

ME: today
ask anyone
about any aspect of the Prophet saw's life
theyll know it
they can tell you how he ate, how he sat, how he talked, how he
walked, how he even went to the bathroom
no one can tell yhou this abut confucian
and this is becacuse
of the respect that he had of everyone
because of his morality to all of mankind

HIM: but like, if u look at it now, more ppl are affected by confucius's
words that islam holds than what islam says on what confucius says.
like, i read that 98% of japanese in japan cant turn down requests
cause of confucianism, but in somewhere in the middle east, anyone can
be rude

ME: no way
go up to
any muslim
anywhere in the world
without knowing them
and say salaam to them
what will they do
they'll say wa alaikum assalam
and think about those words
what do they mean
they mean 'peace be upon you'

HIM: but do they meann it?

ME: so in essence when ever u come in contact with a muslim
they are wishing peace upon you

HIM: but their intention can be different

ME: its not up to us to measure intentions
no one will know whats in anyones heart
but
Allah go to any person who follows confucious
u say he had sucha good moral code right
were there poor people in his society?

HIM;yaaa

ME: ofcourse there wer
look at the rasool saw
and his example with
with umar, he was so just, under the rule of islam, that they went out to give
the zakat to a poor person
and they could nto find one poor person in the entire empire
that empire stretched from
north africa
to persia

HIM: ooooo
ME:thats MUCh bigger then japan
and this is morality
morality as in practie
not just in saying
this is what islam is
i see
its not just about being nice to someone
its practicing it
with our wealth, with our tongue
with our actions

HIM: okay, im afraid that i start to look for confucianism for answers of
right and wrong than islam, howw do i change that? i want that change
fast and quick before i keep getting gunnah
3:35 AM

ME: read about confucianism
but also know this
that before the Prophet salalahualayhi wa salam
there were thousands of prophets
not just those that were named in the Quran
so Allah knows best, but confucious could have been a prophet

i can guarantee you any good that you find in confucianism is in islam
so if u want to study confucianism go ahead, but also take the time to
look into islam,and you will see that islam has this and more

i can give you books if you want as well

HIM: thats the thinngg, is it wrong to credit confucius for the motivation
of my good willl and decision-making?

ME: thank Allah
who created confucious

HIM: and think of what is Allah would think alongside of what confucius would say?
no no
theres ntohing wrong

HIM: lol, but, thats that im confused on -- thanking confucious for my good
will or Allah

ME: thank Allah
Allah created you
and him
and everyone
he guides people

HIM: but in general
do u think its wrong?

ME: as long as you are doing good
know it is from Allah
and i think that its okay for you to think this way
but i think it also shows you
that you should read more

HIM: cause before i decide, i think if confucius would accept it and Allah

ME: about the Prophet saw
because you will realize
he had a far greater moral system
then confucian
ill get you some books if you want
think about it this way
the prophet lived in a time when everyone around him

HIM: sounds good, lol, and im willing to read books on it

ME: worshipped idols
buried baby girls alive
did all these jahil things
and because of ONE man
they ALL changed
all of saudi arabia
and beyond

HIM: but confucius lived before the prophet (saw), and he had no say on God(s)

ME: yea but
are his repercussions as great?
no way..

HIM: nopee

ME: so you have to think about
WHY,
WHY did these people love this man so much
why did Musab give up all his wealth to go and follow this man
and when you go
and read about Muhammad, peace be upon him
you'll realize
i'll give you some books


HIM: OMG ur soo right, musab gave up his wealth for islam!! no one did that
for confucianism1

ME: musab gave up his LIFE for islam
not just his wealth


Anyway ...that was the jist of the conversation...subhanAllah i was amazed at the thought process of this 'kid', and he kind of caught me off guard at three in the morning...if any of you guys can think of anything else that i may have left out be sure to let me know inshaAllah.

I had a point with putting this conversation up here..
i think it was relationships....and how the Prophet salalahualalyhi wa salam set the benchmark for every relationship we are to have, including marriage....

subhanAllah imaaaaaaaagine having a blessed marriage such as that of the Rasool salalahualayhi wa salam's and Khadija (ra) or Aaisha (ra)...

anyway i think im losing my thought processes lol so i'll edit this later or something..
until then
duas
duas
duas ...

:)

wassalamualaikum wa rahmatullah

ps--samish see not ALL my posts are psycho girl posts :) okay maybe all minus one ;)